The parallels to our quagmire in Afghanistan and Iraq are fast and furious in Neil Marshall’s brilliant Centurion, a superb sword ‘n’ sandals yarn that makes Gladiator look like the shitty chick flick that it is. Remarkably restrained performances, hyperviolent scenes that actually move the plot along, and sweeping cinematography make Centurion a top contender for best action movie of this year. Small wonder, coming from the director of Dog Soldiers, a hilarious and tense film made for about ten bucks. But with a modest budget, Marshall shines. Let’s give him another 10 mil, shall we?

The year is 114 AD, and the Romans have come up with the brilliant idea of subduing Scotland. The Scots haven’t even subdued Scotland, so you can imagine how successful this endeavor is going to be. A dramatic voice over informs us that these savage Picts fight a new war, a war without honor. Welcome to Guerilla Land, boys. Fancy armor and formations don’t do a lick of good against ambushes and hit and run tactics, and the common Roman soldiers are starting to wonder why the hell they’re stuck out in the ass end of the Empire. Centurion Quintus Dias (a rough and tumble Michael Fassbender, a poor man’s Russell Crowe and whole lot more tolerable) is the only survivor of a Pictish ambush, and one of the few officers who is fully aware of what the Picts are capable of.

Naturally, his platoon is sent on a punitive mission to subdue the Pictus, with the suspicious Pictish scout Etain to lead them. (Olga Kurylenko, simmering in mute rage). The platoon is ambushed in a stunning affair involving rolling burning fireballs down the hill, and only Quintus and few of his men survive. They must haul ass back to Hadrian’s Wall, with Picts in hot pursuit. It’s off the races in the gorgeous and treacherous Scottish countryside, in the middle of the winter. These are very bad odds, the Romans are way behind enemy lines, and things are looking bleak.

I don’t want to give away more of this fantastic film, with enough twists, turns, and derring-do to satiate your appetite for ancient high adventure. But let’s just say the Picts are not the only thing good Quintus has to worry about, just as crooked military contractors, paid off local police, and Dick Cheney are just as much the enemy of our soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan as any of the so-called “insurgents” and the Taliban. The Pictish pursuers are also fully characterized, avoiding stereotypes. They are just pissed off locals sick and tired of the Roman occupation. But the Romans are not completely vilified either; most are just common soldiers sucked into Imperial glory games, and they’re just as overjoyed over the occupation as the Picts are.

The film does stumble a bit in an ill-advised idyll with some hot woman living all by her lonesome in the middle of the woods (yeah right) who agrees to hide the fleeing Romans. (Yeah, right). Still, this film is as timely as the remarkable Battle of Algiers, and should be required viewing for any pro-war chickenhawk who thinks our military adventures are a swell idea.

Tags: centurion, neil marshall

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