Yacht Rockers, unite!
Submitted for your approval, here are the Top Ten Smoothest Songs Ever. They’re so smooth, your blood will turn into butter. They’re so laid back, you’ll fall backward and float away like a cool summer breeze. They’re so soothing, you’ll feel your soul getting all coconut milky like a piña colada. Speaking of which:
10. “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)”: Rupert Holmes
At first, you have to wonder why the “lovely lady” of this song didn’t dump this guy. But of course she couldn’t…this guy was too smooth to let go! Besides, she was just as guilty as he was. This song is simply about two people cheating on each other…with each other! If that isn’t true love, I don’t know what is.
9. “Sailing” by Christopher Cross
Not including this masterpiece in any smooth list is like not including Abraham Lincoln in a list of the greatest Presidents. Enough said. I had to get it out of the way.
8. “It Keeps You Runnin’” by The Doobie Brothers
This wonderfully slick song is about a woman who can’t get over her heartbreak, and a smooth guy smooth-talking her out of it. Good stuff for the fellas dealing with this all-too common scenario. Honestly, why are you in such a hurry to be lonely one more night?
7. “Southern Cross” by Crosby, Stills and Nash
All you really need to do to smooth out your song is insert a yacht. CSN followed this principle to very smooth results. This song is about a fella who gets over his heartbreak in the most efficient manner…by sailing his yacht!
6. “What a Fool Believes” by The Doobie Brothers
“Self-delusion” and “smooth” don’t normally appear in the same sentence, yet Michael and The Doobies are so smooth, they made it work! This song is about an awkward date where the girl realizes the old chum she agreed to meet just isn’t that smooth. So what’s the moral of the story? Get smooth, man!
5. “Butterfly” by The Seatbelts (vocals by Mem Nahadr)
From Cowboy Bebop soundtrack composers The Seatbelts, this silky smooth lounge tune is knock-out gorgeous. Listen carefully to the wistful lyrics. She’s singing about the King of Yacht Rockers. My theory is that she’s pining over Michael McDonald.
4. “Night by Night” by Steely Dan
The sleaziest, slickest, nightiest tune by sharp cheddar masters Steely Dan, “Night by Night” is about a night owl who’s navigating the Street Life, the only life he knows. The wah-wah pedals and Hammond organ are all urban action. When you’re ready to cash in your 10-cent life for another one, or the dawn patrol gotta tell you twice you don’t do it with a shotgun, you’re living the Night by Night life. This is your song.
3. “Reminiscing” by The Little River Band
This song is about how the same chucklehead from “What a Fool Believes” gets hip and manages to fire off a smooth, unforgettable night. “Reminiscing” also has the dubious distinction of having the worst music video ever. What’s with the half-dead all-sausage party? No matter, this song is unabashedly romantic and dreamy, featuring too smooth for words drum bridges, trumpet solo, and keys. Resistance is futile.
2. “This is It” by Kenny Loggins
Kenny Loggins puts the “adult” in “adult contemporary.” Sometimes we yacht rockers have to get tough, especially when there’s some other joker going after our lady. Being smooth has NOTHING to do with being nice. So prepare to repel boarders, and remember…there are no rules in the game of love. This is it!
1. “Summer Breeze” by Seals & Croft
“Summer Breeze” is what Yacht Rock is all about. Is there anything more pleasant…more smooth…than blowin’ through the jasmine of your mind? After a hard day navigating the rough waters off an idyllic tropical isle, a captain comes home to recharge his smoothness. It doesn’t matter what the weather looks like outside…just fire up this tune and suddenly it’s a breezy day in July, you’re reclining on the beach, with a piña colada in your hand…
Stay smooth!